How to Heal from Emotional Trauma

Disclaimer: This blog does not recommend not to seek professional help when dealing with trauma or any mental health challenge. Therapies from professionals are one of the best ways to address such problems. This blog only intends to offer alternative ways to heal from trauma if getting professional help is not possible under any circumstance.

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Is there an emotional or psychological trauma in the past that still affects the way you live your life today? I still have but most of the worst ones that negatively affected my relationship with myself and others have already been healed. In this blog, I will share with you how I heal from emotional trauma.

According to American Psychological Association, “Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster.”

However, a traumatic event is not limited to terrible ones like rape or an accident. Emotional trauma is a wide spectrum that begins from simple events to terrible ones.

Here are two examples based on true stories.

A chicken trauma. I have a friend from university who does not eat chicken meat. Every time we had to eat, we had a hard time finding a restaurant that does not serve chicken. He stopped eating chicken when he was six. He told me that his uncle brought home a live chicken from the farm and slaughtered it in front of him and witnessed how his uncle struck the chicken with a big knife and then plucked its feathers. Since then, he has stopped eating chicken.

Here’s another story.

The laptop and my mom. In 2006, a friend handed me down his old laptop. At that time, a laptop was considered a luxury because not everyone could afford it, so you could imagine how delighted I was to have one.

Amused with my new laptop, I sat down and started writing the draft of my first novel (unpublished), but when my mother realized that I was not using it for schoolwork, she said grumpily:

“What are you doing? You are wasting your time writing stories. Writing is a worthless profession, unlike doctors and engineers .”

Since that day, I hide from people every time I write.

For many years, I lied to myself about my dream. I was ashamed, hid from people, and was fearful that they would repeat the same words of my mother.

When I got married, I thought there was no need to hide from my husband because was supportive of my dream. However, when I wrote in front of him for the first time, my heart stomped and my whole body trembled. I could not breathe as if my throat was being strangled. I was so scared he would say that I was wasting my time in writing and that I should go back to engineering. At that moment, I knew that the trauma was still alive in me — my body’s response showed it all.

Definition of trauma

From the two stories above, emotional trauma does not only occur from an accident or natural disaster. It can be as simple as being badly told that your dream was worthless or witnessing a chicken getting murdered.

Here is my definition of trauma:

“Trauma is an emotional response to an event that deeply hurts a person’s soul where the automatic response is to run away from getting hurt again. It is a wound in the soul.”

Trauma does not only affect the mind but also the soul.

That’s why we avoid our triggers.

And hide our true desires.

How to Heal from Emotional Trauma

Trauma healing is a crucial process that our soul needs to go through to attain a healthy and meaningful life. Here are some suggestions on how to heal from emotional trauma.

1. Recognize your trauma

It took me many years to realize that the reason why I hide from people when I write was the emotional trauma I experienced from my mother. Instead of seeing it as a trauma, I believed it as a fact. (When we were young, we believed everything our parents would say.) Only after I started learning more about myself and my truths that I realized my fear of writing in public was a response to my mother’s words, not a reality that I had to carry my entire life.

Do you have emotional trauma that you still keep on brushing off and perhaps convincing yourself that it is part of who you are, and not a scar that other people or events scraped on you?

Awareness and recognition of trauma is the birthplace of healing. This is the first step. In this stage, you are like a baby, fragile and clueless of what you are dealing with. Keep on identifying the wounds and scars in your soul. You cannot fix something that you don’t see.

Suggestions to recognize trauma:

1.  Have a date with yourself. Give yourself time and space to reflect on your fears and anxieties that hinder you from having a life aligned with your true self.

2. Journal recollected memories where you got the trauma. Study how you responded to it. Self-reflection is most effective when you write it down. List down your fears and what triggers them. I created a free Journaling Guide for Recognizing Emotional Trauma that you can download and use. Click the link to download.

2. Find someone who validates your trauma

Doing inner work is not easy and you don’t have to do it alone. Find someone who can be your support system to help you embrace that your trauma is valid no matter how shameful it is. It could be a trusted friend, a family member, a counselor, or a professional therapist. Have someone who can offer you:

• a safe space where there is no judgment and you are free to be yourself
• willingness to listen to everything that you want to share
• words of assurance that your trauma is not a weakness and you don’t have to be ashamed about it
• encouragement to heal from trauma no matter how long it takes

Validation is a reminder that there is nothing to be ashamed of your unpleasant experience. It makes you feel heard, accepted, and not alone. Having someone who understands and supports you on what you are going through lightens the baggage in your mind and spirit.

3. Make efforts to be in the present

Regularly remind yourself that your past traumatic experience does not happen all the time. A big portion of the battle when dealing with trauma happens in the mind. Living in the present helps to regulate the nervous system and to make you feel calm and safe. It declutters thoughts and helps to increase awareness of whether fears and threats are real or just in your imagination.

Being in the present helps you become the master of your thoughts instead of being controlled by fears. One of the best ways to invite your mind into the present is by breathing mindfully. Do mindful breathings whenever you sense a threat or fear to calm your nervous system and affirm that you are safe. 

4. Face your fears

All emotional traumas are rooted in fear. One of the functions of the nervous system is to regulate the body when subjected to stress due to fear. It sends signal responses to the body to cope with the situation which results in unusual behaviors and physical reactions. The fears that the nervous system receives go to the subconscious and convert them into stored traumas.

The only way to release stored fears is to face them.

• My friend who did not eat chicken for many years is now enjoying every delicious chicken dish. How did he do that? It took him one defining moment of his life — he ate a crispy, juicy fried chicken.

• You are reading this blog because I shared it publicly. It did not take me one defining moment, though. It took me a few years to fully heal. I started by telling my friends, then to strangers. Whenever people ask me about my job, I tell them that I’m a writer. Until I had the courage to tell them to my family and most of all, to my mother. 

Face your fear until your subconscious mind accepts it as part of your being. It will not be easy, especially in the beginning. It is normal to struggle and be afraid. Start little by little, be gentle with yourself, and season it with courage.

Final Encouragement

All of us go through traumatic and shameful experiences in life. Healing emotional trauma is a choice. I hope you choose a life filled with peace, joy, and courage. 

I also hope that this blog created a spark in your spirit, but always remember, only you can heal yourself.

Thank you for reading,

~ Maddie S.J.

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YOU ARE NOT ALONE: Help and support are available if you are willing to accept them. Get support by commenting on this post or you can write to me at madylene.writer@gmail.com.
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