Signs of Burnout And How To Heal From It

As humanity evolves in the way we think and live, our minds get more susceptible to overstimulation and hyperactivity which results in various kinds of stresses. The world today makes us feel that more is required: more money, comfort, high social standards, better education and jobs, fame, power, and fancy life. While these things are not bad to aspire to, it is alluring to make them the center of our universe. The way to get these materialisms is stressful for the mind, body, and spirit. 

One of the rising mental health challenges that a lot of people are facing today due to stress is burnout. In this blog, I write about my experience with burnout, its definition, signs, causes, and how to get out of it.

I Got Burned Out

In 2016, I started having physical and emotional burnout, but I didn’t know back then that the word ‘burnout’ was a technical term used in psychology. What I knew was my strength was slowly crushing into dust and the wind could tear me apart anytime. I felt lonely and wanted help but I didn’t know how. It was easier if I had a fever, wound, or broken bone to show that I was shutting down. But because I looked fine, no one would believe me.

There was a day when I could not get up from bed and went into a deep sleep for almost twenty-four hours. When I woke up, a cousin told me, “Stop pretending that you are sick, lazy girl!”

Signs of Burnout

Signs of burnout and its intensity can vary from one person to another. The most common signs are the following:

• extreme tiredness that seems to never go away
• difficulty in attaining good and quality sleep
• energy depletes fast
• decreased motivation in life
• lack of enthusiasm for the things you used to enjoy
• withdrawing from people
• lacking soul in what you do
• body pains (notable in neck, shoulders, and back)
• pretending to be okay when with others
• feeling sad and lonely
• difficulty in elevating joy

If you are experiencing at least three signs of burnout, you are probably burnout. To find a way out of it and retrieve the old joyful life you lived, it would be helpful if you understand what burnout is. 

What is Burnout?

In the Cambridge Dictionary, the definition of burnout is: extreme tiredness or mental or physical illness caused by working too hard or trying to do too much.

If you think you are experiencing burnout, the keywords are ‘extreme tiredness’ that lasts longer than usual. When extreme tiredness is not seasonal anymore and you instinctively know that this lack of energy is not proportional to your current situation, you might probably have it. 

You can find other in-depth definitions of burnout, its signs, causes, and how to overcome it on the internet. However, burnout is more than extreme tiredness of the physiological, mental, or emotional area of your health. It is much deeper than not having enough sleep, rest, or support.

“Burnout, the extreme tiredness that lasts for a longer period, is the body’s way of signaling the person that he/she has lost its balance between caring for himself/herself and caring for others, to the extent that the personal needs have almost forgotten to deliver the expectations of others.”

Maddie S.J.

The Root Causes of Burnout

1. Too much caring for others

Working too hard and too much for your family, the company, or for the boss that is pressing you hard to meet all his/her expectations are all under the category of ‘caring for others’. It is about taking things from yourself to be able to give to others. Here are the things that you usually take from yourself and give away to others:

• Too much time
• Too much energy or effort
• Too many material things such as money and other resources
• Too many thoughts [of the things that you don’t have control]

Are you someone who cares for others too much?

Anything that is ‘too much’ kills balance and connection to self. When your energy and focus are projecting too much on giving, whether it be to your job, family, children, business, or dreams, the turmoil inside of you begins. When you listen to all the external demands, you will not hear the demands from within. This way of living slowly burns your foundation as a human being who has basic needs that must be provided. Failing to listen and attend to your own needs leads to the second major cause of burnout which is neglecting your personal needs.

2. Neglecting your personal needs

In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it is said that failing to meet these needs can lead to mental or psychological illnesses such as anxiety, depression, and burnout. 

I surveyed some people and asked them, “What does love mean to you?” The majority of their answers go like this:

“Love is being selfless, giving all you’ve got for the people you love.”

Love has many facets and meanings, however, a lot of people perceive love and selflessness as quite extreme and discard that it also has boundaries. Yes, love indeed is all about giving — giving to others and oneself. A common misconception is that love is all about the people around us and forget that our selves also need to receive love from ourselves.

Selflessness is making less for yourself for the sake of others, not draining everything from yourself for others. There is a difference between less and draining, and the problem starts when we equate selflessness to losing everything.

Neglecting your personal needs is not the same as neglecting your wants. Having ice cream for dessert is different from eating enough food for lunch that you need to get through the day. You can live without eating ice cream but you cannot live without eating an important day meal.

To what extent do you give for others and your own needs?

Neglecting your needs to give way to other people’s needs all the time, you will eventually get drained and burned out.

How to Heal Yourself from Burnout

If you are recently experiencing signs of burnout (less than six months), you can manage and heal from it by changing the way you care for yourself.

• Take a break and rest from everything that overstimulates you (screen time, social media, unimportant conversations)

• Eat more from nature (vegetables, fruits, water, fresh fruit juices, eggs).

• Stretch and move your body especially nerves and joints (yoga, stretching exercises, swimming).

• Do what you love and are passionate about (reading, cooking, painting, writing).

• Journal your thoughts and emotions to process what you are going through.

• Sleep (following the points above will help you sleep better).

• Prioritize your needs.

• Listen to the demands of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

My burnout lasted for more than two years. It was that long and I knew how serious it could get. It takes discipline and commitment to make yourself better and heal from burnout.

Understand yourself deeper

Another way to heal from burnout is to understand yourself deeper. Learning about why you give too much for others and not prioritize yourself can bring your healing journey into an opportunity to transform yourself into better than what you were before the burnout.

A simple to start the journey of understanding yourself is to ask and reflect on the questions:

Why do I care for others too much?

Why do I neglect my personal needs?

The key is the Why.

• Journal your reflections in a notebook and the answers can bring you further if you try to dig deeper. (Note: Check out my Write To Heal Diary to get ideas on how to do reflective journaling)

• Becoming aware of your whys gives you ideas on how to improve the way you see and treat yourself. This is your opportunity to love yourself so you can give more to others without getting burned out.

Why I care too much for others and neglect my own needs

As a child, I was misunderstood, neglected, and judged. My mother would often tell me that I was not beautiful and nobody would appreciate me. Fortunately, when I started schooling, I realized that I was intelligent. Each year, I would bag the award as the most excellent student. My mother was so pleased that I was the class valedictorian and that was the only time I felt seen and appreciated.

I grew up doing my best in everything that I do to stand out so I would be seen, heard, and appreciated. I had to work hard to gain love. This way of thinking shaped my personality as a hard-working adult.

I grew up believing that I didn’t deserve love and care and that I didn’t deserve anything good. How can I love myself? I have to earn everything and please other people. Neglecting my needs and wants became my nature.

When I understood the root cause behind my behavior of caring too much for others and neglecting my needs, I saw how unfair I was to myself and how it was harming my well-being. Slowly, I took care of myself more and prioritized my needs and this awareness paved my way out of burnout.

Are you ready to sit and reflect on your healing journey? I hope my story will give you ideas on how to start learning your whys.

Final Encouragements

• You can heal yourself from burnout when you take care of yourself better.

• Love is not always about other people but also about yourself.

• Burnout is not a disease but a reminder to love and care for yourself better.

If you feel lonely in this season of your life and have nobody to share what you are going through, feel free to connect with me by commenting on this blog post or you can email me at madylene.writer@gmail.com.