We wouldn’t know how much self-doubt we have until we realize we’re failing on something important to us.

Do you have friends or family members who confide in you that they doubt themselves and think they’re not good enough to be successful? How did you respond? Did you say something like, ‘Oh, I know you can do it,’ thinking that a simple encouragement could instantly change everything for them?

I did, and it somehow made me feel guilty after I recently experienced what it’s like to be under the spell of extreme self-doubt. It’s the feeling you’re shrinking inside, and yet you have to act like it’s no big deal because doubt is something that can be easily overcome “according to them”.

Self-doubt is often underestimated and invalidated. One side of it that many people don’t know is that it can go extreme for someone who has failed, been rejected, or shamed in the past. It is deeper than simple fear or lack of faith such as a heartbreaking failure despite giving your all to achieve an important goal.

Deep self-doubt isn’t something you can overcome or let go of with a one-time encouragement. It requires proper acknowledgment and support from yourself and others, awareness of thought patterns, and understanding of what fears and motivates you to work.

Here are 6 ways to let go and overcome self-doubt.

1. Learn what triggers your self-doubt and sit on them

To overcome self-doubt you need to be intentional. It isn’t something you can simply brush off of your head and think it won’t haunt you again. You need to learn what triggers you that freeze your creativity or paralyze you from going after a dream.

All doubts are rooted in fear, but not all fears lead to doubting ourselves. Spend time to sit with yourself and ask the questions that will push you to dig deep and see what’s going on behind the scenes. As the saying goes: your triggers are your teachers.

Here are some guide questions to discover the triggers you need to be conscious of when doubting yourself:

  • Is there a traumatic event you had in the past that still affects your decision-making today? What did you do to heal?
  • What are the most painful judgements you received from a person? How did it affect the way you see and treat yourself?
  • What do you see from others that makes you feel small? (Example: I usually feel small when I see writers who seem confident with what they’ve written.)

Journal your answers and reflections for a powerful self-exploration experience. Writing will help you to access thoughts from the subconscious that hold your true feelings about a certain fear or trigger.

We can only let go of self-doubt and limiting beliefs if we realize the extent of how they could hold us back from creating the life we want to have.

2. Be mindful of negative thoughts and shift them to positive ones

Being mindful of our thoughts and being able to control them can save us from mental and emotional distress. Doubt is a sign that we are dwelling on negative thoughts long enough to affect our perception of ourselves.

When I became the sole caregiver of my very sick father in my 20s, I was forced to give up the career I started building on public speaking. From someone who was good in public relations and turned into a stay-at-home caregiver 24/7, my communication skills got rusty, and every time I saw colleagues on social media giving talks, I felt I was falling behind.

When a friend called to ask if I could facilitate a seminar for a group of students, I said no, not that I couldn’t squeeze it into my schedule but because self-doubt had eaten me up, and killed my confidence to stand in front of an audience anymore.

It took me a couple of years to free myself from doubting by being mindful of the thoughts I feed myself. I learned to filter the thoughts I entertain in my head. When a negative thought starts to creep in, I shift right away before it gets into me. 

To overcome self-doubt you need to let go of negative thoughts and shift to positive ones. If you find shifting difficult, start slowly but be consistent. Mindfulness is a skill that can be learned through practice. Build a habit of thinking about good things that happen to you every day, and be grateful for them no matter how small they are. 

how to overcome self-doubt

3. Evaluate your situation and set realistic goals

Setting realistic goals is important not only for achieving them but also for our mental health. Being too idealistic can create self-inflicted pressures, and failing to meet expectations gives a feeling of not being good enough which often leads to self-doubt.

Ask yourself:

  • Are you not good enough or your standards are just too high?
  • Where do your idealisms take you? Is it bringing you forward or causing you to self-doubt?

Letting go of self-doubt requires a correct understanding of your current situation and abilities. If you’re expecting too much from yourself even if you know you already have too much on your hands, learn to adjust according to your situation without compromising your well-being. 

To overcome self-doubt means listening to your circumstances and not forcing yourself to keep up with others. 

4. Stop comparing yourself with others

There’s so much truth in the cliché, ‘Comparison is a killer of joy.’

In the early phase of learning how to create helpful and compelling content for my website, I discovered many well-written articles by seasoned writers and realized how bad my blogs were. I compared myself with bloggers in similar niches and put myself down for not being as good as them. I doubted my dream and caused me to have writing blocks. There was even a full month where I couldn’t sit on my laptop because I was too judgmental and telling myself:

“I’m such a terrible writer.”

“People will only waste their time reading my works.”

Comparing yourself is the perfect way to kill your creativity. Detach yourself from the idea that you can only be good when you are as good as others. Instead of spending your time and energy comparing, focus on improving your craft and on the things you are yet to learn.

To be clouded by self-doubt is a difficult place to be in, but I learned that it can take only a single moment to get out by removing comparison from your life. It is easier to let go of self-doubt when you accept that you are not perfect and still have so much to work on.

5. Find people that inspire you to improve

If there are people who make you feel small (intentional or not), there are also people who empower you to be better. These are the people who inspire you to grow more in honing your craft or improving your business.

One thing that helped me overcome self-doubt was when I (virtually) met Andrea of the Truth Within Silence blog. The first time I read her articles, I observed her high respect for writing and publication by the way she crafted her website. Her quality works inspired me to learn more about what it takes to be a good and responsible writer.

Whether it be your inspiration is someone you know or someone you see on the internet, fill your thoughts and days with what you saw in them that inspires you. The positive energy they bring can gradually dissolve your doubts and encourage you to get better.

6. Keep showing up no matter what

Self-doubt can feel like a gigantic wall that blocks your way, and the only way to knock it down is by beating it a thousand times until it’s no longer a barrier.

Keep beating whatever it is that steals your self-belief and worth by showing up. It means to keep going until you see progress even if only in fragments. Treat your daily efforts as training where your goal is to improve and grow, not to win.

When you keep on making an effort, your nervous system will absorb it until it has no space for doubts. The process will test your patience, discipline, and diligence, but that’s the whole point of overcoming your doubts — to develop your character and make you stronger than before.

Your doubts cannot define who you are. It is your persistence that will show your true strength by showing up no matter what. 

Doubting yourself doesn’t always mean you’re weak or lacking in faith. Sometimes, it means you value something so much that you can’t afford to lose or fail.

Self-doubt is an invitation to be gentle with yourself and to let go of your fears. Remind yourself that no fear or doubt can paralyze you if you don’t permit it. 

“Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.” — Winston Churchill.

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