Every story of inner healing and transformation does not start with a swish-and-flick magical moment. Oftentimes, it starts with questions. Questions like ‘who am I’ or ‘what is the purpose of my life’ that prompt us to reflect and realize that there are more important things than feeding our egos. Questions that lead us to finding our true self.
I was in my second year of college (2007) when these questions came to me. I tried to ignore them at first, but the more I did, the more they persisted until I could no longer hold up and sought answers. It took countless experiences and lessons laid out like a puzzle before I got to where I am today—certain of who I am and clear about the highest mission of my soul. It doesn’t mean I figured it all out, though. There is always something to learn about ourselves and the mysteries of life because spirituality is a journey that we never finish, and it always starts with finding our true self.
You are here for a reason. Probably because you’re asking the questions important to your soul. I hope you’ll find something helpful here that can take you one step closer to the answers. First, let’s have some important definitions.
2 Types Of True Self
The term true self is now being used in different ways and contexts. For a clear and better understanding, I categorized it into two types: (1) the ego true self and (2) the spiritual true self.
Ego True Self
Ego is neither good nor bad. It is part of our consciousness that operates on physical reality and goes through stages of evolution or maturity until it reaches its authentic state. Ego true self is based on personality—the authentic version of your behavior, character, and beliefs developed through time and experience. It is who you are when you are alone, and all walls are off.
Some examples of ego true self are:
- Statements like, “I am just being true to myself…” or “This is me…”
- Being yourself without fearing what other people might think of you, as long as you are not harming anyone
- It is who you are when nobody’s looking
These examples might be familiar to you because the ego true self works in the conscious mind. We mature and get clarity about ourselves through knowledge and wisdom.
My example of ego true-self: As a kid I used to be loud and friendly to avoid being tagged as boring or rude. Even though deep inside, I was an introvert. It is the version of myself I unconsciously created to gain love and acceptance from people. But now that I am in my thirties, I am no longer bothered by how others see me. I prioritize my needs, say ‘no’ to people if necessary, and do things without waiting for recognition.
Ego true self is having a strong sense of who you are, and pleasing other people is the least of your concerns. You are you.
Spiritual True Self
The spiritual true self is the identity of the soul. It is your Higher Self—the one that transcends the mind and cannot be justified by reasoning because it resides in the soul. In this context, finding your true self means (1) to realize that you are a piece of God and (2) to discover your soul’s highest purpose.
But how come we lost it?
When we were born, we came on Earth with an invisible barrier that wouldn’t allow us to remember our true nature: that before we were physical beings, we were spiritual beings first. Spiritual true self is our perpetual identity because the soul never dies. However, the experiences and people we encountered created new versions of truth about ourselves, beliefs, and the way life works. We were taught to go after the things that matter in the eyes of the world rather than to look beyond and feel our soul.
To remember you must be willing to go through redirections by detaching from worldly things and listening to the voice of your soul. To find your spiritual true self means to reconnect with your soul and remember its mission.
Here are 8 simple ways to remember and find your spiritual true self.
1. Recognize that you are a soul, not just a personality
Try this simple exercise: Close your eyes and still your mind. Take three (3) deep breaths and imagine a ball of light at the center of your heart. Bring the ball of light to the crown of your head and let it flow down to your entire body until it reaches the tips of your fingers and toes. Do you feel the energy within? It is because you are more than a physical being but a soul energy that makes you get up in the morning and continue to live in this reality.
Recognizing that you are a soul, not just a body and mind, strengthens your intuition and adds depth to your existence. It reveals that you are more than the self you knew and opens your spiritual eye to see that everything happens for the evolution of your soul. It also helps you recognize the difference between the ego and the soul, and realize that they are not enemies but allies that can work together to remember your true self.
2. Do not let the world define you
You are not your looks, intellect, and abilities, even if the world says otherwise. This is easier said than lived in a culture that is obsessed with appearance and influence, but you can do something about it. Constantly remind yourself that you have the power to choose how you want to see yourself. Whatever you think is true controls you. If you allow the world to influence your decisions, you will limit self-exploration and growth and not have the freedom to be yourself.
Work on yourself and stand for what is true to you. Do not just go with the flow without asking yourself: ‘Does this align with who I am and what I want to be?’
It is not your obligation to submit to the standards of the world if it means losing yourself and becoming someone you’re not. It took me a long time to learn this. I didn’t choose to be a writer when I was younger because I was told that it would not take me out of poverty. I let others decide for my career and tried to forget what I really wanted for myself.
Do not let the world define you and your life. A life built through social pressure can never be an avenue to finding your true self. Listen to the voice of your soul and follow it. Your soul knows you more than the world around you does.
3. Find your passion and do it
Your passion is the highest expression of your soul. It is your sacred mission, your personal legend, as Paulo Coelho wrote in his book, The Alchemist. When you do your passion, you awaken the soul that gives life and meaning to your being. You discover the intricate parts of yourself, and your reason for doing it gets bigger and stronger. Passion makes you diligent, strong, and connected to the spark inside you.
If you haven’t known your passion yet, here are a few questions that may help you figure it out:
- What is the one thing that you are so enthusiastic about?
- What work makes you happy and dream of doing for the rest of your life?
Your answer to these questions says a lot about your passion. Your passion is your soul’s desire and the compass to the unique purpose you have to share with the world.
Knowing your passion is important, but doing it is even more so. A passion not lived is dead. Being authentic isn’t only about knowing who you are, but to actually live the life you are called to be. Doing what you love aligns you with your soul’s desire. It is the way to change, and a ritual that shows what is you and what is not.
Here’s a great quote I read about taking action on our passion:
“The soul longs to do something about what it is, in order that it might know itself in its own experience. So it will seek to realize its highest idea through action.” – Conversations with God, Neale Walsch.
4. Stop pleasing others to be seen and accepted
People-pleasing is the mask behind our longing for love and acceptance. We often believe that getting approval from others will make us worthy and important, but what it truly does is the opposite. Pleasing others hinders us from turning in on ourselves and reflecting inward to see our worth despite our flaws and weaknesses. It creates an artificial image of love and takes us away from what it really is and becomes foreign to ‘the love the soul knows’.
Finding your true self is a chance to explore the divine meaning of love and learn the difference from the love the world knows, and to let go of fear of judgment and desire to be accepted. Acceptance starts within yourself. It is an inside job that only you are responsible for.
Some of the practices that helped me get out of the people-pleasing tendency were:
- Saying ‘no’ when a yes wouldn’t help others, but only take advantage of me.
- Drop the guilt when I disappoint others for standing for what I believe is best for the situation.
- Reminding myself that I cannot control how others see me because their perception reflects only their soul, not my value as a person.
Journal Prompt: What about you? What ways do you think will help you overcome the tendency to please other people?
5. Believe that you are an energy of love
When our soul incarnated on earth as human beings, our connection with the Source was cut, and we forgot that we are a portion of Its sacred energy of love. We are a drop of the great Ocean, and our soul remembers when we believe in this truth. It is the reason why we want to love and be loved, to re-experience our original state as love.
Knowing that you partake in the energy of God that is Love changes the way you see yourself, people, and the experiences you encounter. You’ll have compassion instead of judgment, more faith than doubt, and a love that overpowers fear. You’ll also realize that things don’t happen to you, but for you. Everything becomes a message and an instrument towards healing and going back to your true self.
6. Talk to your inner voice often
The inner voice is the voice of the soul. And it is through it that our true self speaks. Talking to yourself often, maybe in a mirror or by longhand journaling, can stimulate your inner self to talk back and speak of things about who you actually are.
Instead of simply accepting what others say about you, talk to your inner voice and hear what it has to say. It holds our truths and the soul contract we made for this lifetime. I remember from years ago, my cousins used to call me crazy because they often caught me whispering to the air, but as a matter of fact, I was simply talking to myself. I like talking to myself even at a young age, and that ‘crazy’ part of me showed me that a special person coexists with my physical body—the real one. I was not just the body and personality people saw and knew.
Your inner self has always known its true identity and purpose, and talking to your inner voice is a powerful practice to access important information and instructions from the soul. They may come in bits and pieces, but they always show you where you should be.
7. Accept that you need healing
Healing is what we are here for on Earth. Each of us has inner wounds to heal, and it is in the process of healing that we learn the lessons needed to restore our authenticity.
It takes humility to accept that we need healing because it also means admitting to ourselves that there are parts in us that do not go the way we like them to be. To heal from within means to reclaim what we have lost and remember what our soul had forgotten in favor of conforming to the world.
Inner healing is not easy. It comes with difficult seasons like going through the dark night of the soul, shadow work, spiritual awakening, and breakthroughs to free ourselves from old beliefs that keep us small, limited, and uncertain of who we are. These things, however, will only make sense once you take the first step—to admit to yourself that you were hurt, rejected, and broken, and accept that you need to heal inside. It is only through it that the doors to healing will open up for you.
8. Be courageous
“Courage is the first spiritual quality that you need to have.” ~ Paulo Coelho
Confronting your ugly pasts, pain, and anger, and loving your imperfections, feels like a piercing pain from scraping old scars, only to make way for a new beginning. It takes courage to face the uncomfortable and painful moments of reliving memories that shattered your identity and self-belief.
Be courageous and never give up on yourself. Courage will guide and support you. You may have lots of fear, but bravery is more powerful than anything worse you can imagine. And you will only know how brave you are once you participate in the journey of finding your spiritual true self.
The journey of finding our true self is an exploration we never finish. Not until we are back home—to the origin of the soul… God, Higher Power, or whatever you like to call it. But as long as we incarnate on this planet, our soul will continue to learn the lessons it needs to heal and evolve.
To find your true self means to awaken your soul and consciously live with it. It means to shift from old to new; and from living the way you were told to, to living life in alignment with your purpose, and to serve it to the world without expecting reward or recognition. It is to be simply—you.
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