As a social media user since 2011, particularly on Facebook and Instagram, I witnessed its evolution — from a quiet personal space on the internet into a noisy and cluttered marketplace; and as a portal that connects us to people we love, it triggers our desire to be loved by everyone.

It’s been more than a year since I lived my life without social media, during which I deleted my personal accounts and lost connection with over 2,000 people. There were many reasons why I did it, but the heart of it always points to one thing: to end my slavery to it and use it solely for blogging and intentional content creation.

I lost count of the times I thought of quitting, but always ended up not hitting the delete button. I was always in a limbo and feared I’d lose my family and friends. But when I finally had the courage to do it in May of ‘24, I realized that life without social media isn’t about losing friends, but about reclaiming my identity and full devotion to my craft.It took me a lot of “detachment work”, but it was also through it that I learned that being present is more important than the keepsakes of the past. Living life without social media isn’t just about giving up memory imprints, but setting boundaries on who you want to stay constantly connected with.

10 Lessons From Life Without Social Media

It took me years to convince myself that I don’t need to stay ‘virtually connected’ to prove that I care. And once I finally let go of this limiting belief, a truth unfolded to me that entertaining and making people happy weren’t my responsibility. I may have lost stories and memories I put there over the years, but the irony of it was — I’ve gained way more than I lost. The changes in lifestyle and lessons I learned are more valuable than any attention or social acceptance I got through it.

Here are 10 lessons I learned a year after living life without social media.

1. Virtual disconnection doesn’t mean the end of relationships

Virtually disconnecting with family and friends doesn’t mean burning bridges or ending relationships. While most of us rely on social media to stay updated with each other’s lives, staying updated isn’t the same as being actively connected.

A few days before deleting, I wrote a post about it and left an email address and mobile number where they can contact me. Surprisingly, I received unexpected emails and text messages from friends who’d been quiet in my life for quite a while and said they wanted to stay connected, even if I won’t be on their feeds anymore.

People who value their relationship with you will always find a way to stay connected. Do not be afraid to lose friends because you want to give yourself peace and to live an unfiltered life. True friends will always be with you in spirit, regardless of the distance or the amount of time you have for each other.

2. Ignore things that don’t add value in my life

Staying away from noise and clutter puts the light back on the things I deeply value, like spending quality time with my husband and children, reading books, and writing in my journal.

Things that I used to give so much effort to, like replying to every DM or greeting everyone on their birthdays, were no longer my priority. I learned to ignore distractions and unnecessary conversations and prioritize what helps me grow. Not everyone in our circle adds value to our well-being, and it’s important that we are aware of it and be able to let go of certain people when necessary. 

3. I am my own best friend

A quiet life taught me to entertain myself and deal with my problems alone. I became more present for myself by listening to my inner dialogues and responding to my needs. I’ve come to fully embrace this thing about adulthood that asking for help and support is not as easy as it used to be. Instead of looking for someone to share my ups and downs with, I learned to run to myself first, feel everything, and figure out what I need to do and learn in a situation.

As we grow older, our friends and even ourselves will set forth on different paths, choices, and priorities. And no matter how hard we try to maintain the quality of the bond, it just wouldn’t be the same as it used to be. Somewhere along our journey, life will force us to rely on ourselves as our constant source of support and companionship.

4. Life will always give what I need at the right time

One of my biggest fears then was, ‘what if I missed out on big opportunities or crucial events (like the death of a loved one)?’ But doing what my sanity needed at that time led me to trust that if things are meant to happen, they will find their way to me at the right time. And for the things that aren’t, I have to accept that it’s not meant to be.

Everything that happens in our lives has reasons, even if it’s easy to think that we could have done something better if we only knew better. Living life without social media isn’t only about peace and privacy, but also about trusting that things find their way to us when we are ready to receive them.

5. Praying or wishing well for friends whenever they cross my mind

As someone who’s naturally thoughtful, I loved checking in with my friends and being there for them if they needed someone to talk to. However, when my priorities and responsibilities changed, I kind of settled on relying on their updated posts instead of typing in a message to directly ask how they’re doing. 

It came to a point when I felt I was eavesdropping rather than being sincerely concerned. After I lost access to their profiles, I figured that the best way to care for them is to say a little prayer or well wishes. Sending good thoughts to the universe is never a waste. It is a much better way to care rather than sneaking on feeds without doing something that really helps.

6. I become more loving and accepting of myself

Lesser exposure to what’s happening with everybody else’s life and in the world rerouted my focus to inner healing and self-discovery. I was able to listen to myself more — to my needs, dreams, and emotional traumas that are crying for my attention.

Cutting down time on my phone gave me more time for myself. For example, I used to struggle finding time to do my hair (I like curling it), but once I dropped those trinkets of minutes on social media, I was able to glam up and enjoy myself a bit more. Seeing less of what other girls are doing also helped me to become more comfortable with how I carry myself and not make them my standard of beauty.

7. Create more time for things I am passionate about

Unmindful social media skimming is a rampant time waster, and it’s easy to deny once we feel good every time we’re on it. For a long time, I’ve been a servant of its alluring features rather than using it as a tool to explore my passion and creativity. It definitely took me a while to recondition my focus and go back to regular reading and writing, but once I was on board, I was able to run my website alongside taking care of my toddlers and the entire household.

There are so many things that we can accomplish or create once we’re out of the social media rut. Start by dropping one 10-minute skimming and replace it with something you like to do or a new hobby to explore. I may not be able to sit with a good book for a straight hour or two like I used to, but these pockets of 10 minutes carried me through to keep up with my library.

8. Slow down in life and embrace my own pace

Having been liberated from what the world is up to allowed me to set my own standards and timeline. There’s a great relief in knowing that I don’t have to keep up with others to convince myself that I am doing fine, as long as I stay intact with my purpose. I appreciate the way I live my life more, even if it’s far from what’s in or trending.

Not until I took life without social media seriously did I realize that I barely completed a task on time because I would habitually check my phone, and ended up ‘rushing’ to keep up with other tasks. When I finally broke the cycle, I got things done with much ease that it felt like slowing down because I didn’t have to chase time.

9. I become more intentional with my relationships

Intentional relationships mean to actively participate in maintaining a healthy and purposeful relationship with people who are also willing to do the same for us. Clearing the crowd helped me see who’s in front of me, actively giving care and support, especially in times I needed it most. They are the people who deserve my effort to maintain our connection. It is better to focus on the few but present friends, rather than trying to be everybody’s friend just because you are tied through the internet.

10. Not all the friends I met in the past will become part of my future

For a long time, I struggled accepting that the people who played a huge part in a particular season of my life don’t mean they will always be in future seasons. Moving forward without them felt like I betrayed them, so in a way, social media became my way to ‘keep’ friends. I was in denial of the truth that not every friend we meet in one chapter will finish with us until the end.

Digitally disconnecting from old friends and colleagues gave me a reality overview of what our journey looks like — made of segments and each divided by doors where people can come and go with or without our permission. I was then able to accept that people come and go, especially when they have served their purpose in our lives, and can now move on without feeling guilty or betraying them.

Social media in itself cannot be good nor bad. It is how we use it that makes the difference we want for our lives. We can unknowingly use it and destroy our peace and balance, or mindfully change the world by spreading valuable or inspiring content.

On a personal note, I have nothing against social media. In fact, after I deleted my personal accounts, I created a business account for Shifting Psyche branding and marketing purposes. Living life without social media means putting an end to its control over us and strengthening our discipline to make it the other way around.

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