In whatever life season we are in, uncertain and difficult times are always part of it, and how we respond to them affects our present and future circumstances.

When things don’t go the way we wanted according to our plans, our usual tendency is to feel discouraged and question our worth and capabilities, without giving ourselves a chance to fight the demons that play in our heads. Two common reasons why we respond this way are:

(1) we equate a significant part of ourselves with our work, and

(2) we adhere to a wrong ideology that failing means ‘we’re not good enough’

If we miss out on at least one of these two and continue to stick with our old template, simple feelings of discouragement can pile up and grow heavy until it becomes too much for us to bear. The best way to take care of our mental and emotional health is to pacify them before they even start crying out for help.

It may be true in some situations that being discouraged is no biggie, but it doesn’t mean we should ignore it and expect it to go away on its own without giving ourselves adequate love and compassion.

I learned this the hard way a few months after I launched this site, where I had a severe writer’s block because I let my feelings of discouragement linger in my spirit for a long time. I would always compare myself with other writers and belittle myself for not being as good as them.

I had to pause from writing blogs for a month to reflect, reset, and shift the negative narratives in my head into positive ones, and pull myself out of mental rut.

If you also need a mental shift, here are 5 things to tell yourself when you’re feeling discouraged.

1. Being discouraged isn’t a sign of weakness, but an invitation to become stronger

Strength is not measured by how easily you overcome challenges, but by how persistent and enduring you are when it feels heavy and hopeless. 

Discouragement isn’t there to stop you from pursuing your dreams, but to strengthen your willpower and character. It is not the end of the road, but a turning point wherein, if you take risks and face what’s on the other side, you’ll discover that there are other options available to reach your goal. 

It is okay to get discouraged sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you’re not competent or qualified for the things you aspire for. Instead, treat it as a call to review the areas of your life that need improvement. Remind yourself that setbacks are part of the process to stretch and transform you into a stronger person.

Being discouraged opens doors to test our inner strength, know ourselves better, and have more clarity on how we want to live our life according to our purpose. It may not look that way in the beginning and we don’t see it yet, growth and strength take place amid our pain.

2. What you think or feel about yourself isn’t always the truth

Our thoughts and emotions may be valid, but they are not always true.

Two years after graduating from college, I applied for a job several times at one of the best engineering firms in the country, but didn’t receive a feedback. Since then, I’ve always felt that a simple girl like me would never meet the standards of high-end companies, despite my colleagues from my previous job saying I was one of the best they had worked with.

Later on, I learned that this company only hires applicants who graduated from the top three expensive universities in Manila, which explains why I was never given a chance for a preliminary interview.

All along, I thought it was my lack of competence, but it made me realize that there are things I cannot change and control no matter how much I tried to force things. Not all rejections and failures are about us. Should I let myself believe I wasn’t good enough, I’d probably lose my confidence to try for better opportunities that are meant for me. I learned that it is important to separate our emotions from the truths of reality because it’s easier to accept things the way it is.

One thing you can tell yourself when feeling discouraged is that, thoughts and feelings aren’t always true. Look at the situation from a distance and separate what’s real from self-victim narratives. Negative thoughts are never after what’s true or not, their only goal is to take y our hopes and dreams.

Some tips to balance your emotions with the truth are:

  • Practice gratitude through journaling or citing things you are grateful for out loud
  • Consult a friend who can help you look at the situation at a head level
  • Spend time alone with yourself for reflection

These simple practices help to increase awareness and make us more responsible for the thoughts we entertain in our heads.

3. You are allowed to reject thoughts that bring you down

You have the power to choose what to do with the thoughts you play in your mind. We can accept or reject thoughts, unlike from what we learned as a child, where we our only option is to accept everything the world throws at us.

After going through a lot of difficult times since I hit adulthood, I learned that coping and healing do not have to be that complicated. Start by training your mind to filter the quality of your thoughts using these two simple habits.

  • Mindfully release negative thoughts and refill them with positive ones. Replay in your mind good experiences that made you happy and proud until your emotions shift and improve.
  • Write down or journal thoughts and emotions that are pulling you down. It helps to clear the clutter in your head and make your thoughts more organized. Clear and organized thoughts widen our perspective on interpreting  mistakes, failures, and rejections.

Rejecting negative thoughts needs time and intentionality. It is not like magic where you cast a spell and there come instant power. I’ve been religiously practicing mindfulness and journaling for years, and it has helped me a lot in choosing my battles and letting go of things that pull me down. It didn’t go overnight for me, but with discipline and commitment, I was able to incorporate them into my regular routines.

4. Problems are teachers, not failures or punishments

Problems are stressful and discouraging because they disrupt our peace and routines. However, problems can also be our teachers if we look beyond what’s in front of us rather than playing victim.

Looking beyond means asking ourselves, “What is this problem trying to teach me?” If trials leave you feeling discouraged, look around and reflect on the lessons you can learn from them.

There is so much more that we can do other than ranting or blaming ourselves for the things that have already happened and cannot be changed. Problems are not failures or punishments for the mistakes you didn’t intend to make. Instead of whining or giving up what’s left in your hopes, focus on finding solutions or give yourself a break if that’s what you need in your current season.

Treating problems as teachers can bring so much difference to the way we respond to life. Problems aren’t just there to give us a hard time, but also to make us wiser and stronger.

5. There is always another chance, even if you don’t see it yet

One affirmation I always tell myself when I’m feeling discouraged is, “If it’s not yet the end, there is always another chance.” Discouragement can put a lot of weight on our minds and hearts. It is important that we remind ourselves that life never stops pouring out chances if we do not give up.

Life doesn’t end when we fail. We can always give it another try, no matter how overwhelming it is to start again. Give yourself time to brush off negative energies that trap the greatness in you. When you’re feeling discouraged, tell yourself, “As long as I get another day to live, I am free to have another try.”

Discouragement calls for a pause, not for a full stop. It is normal to get discouraged when you don’t meet your expectations. But if you know how to navigate yourself through it, you’ll become the person needed for the life you’ve always wanted.

Discouraging moments are never easy to deal with, even if you’ve been through them countless times. What matters is that you address them the best of your abilities, and you are patient with yourself.

We may not always get what we exactly envisioned for our lives, but what’s more important is the person we are becoming as we go through life bends and breaks.

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