judgmental person

Are you a judgmental person? Or a victim of someone who is? All of us have judged others in some instances in our lives. It is part of our human nature. But when does a person consider ‘judgmental’?

12 Signs Of A Judgmental Person

A judgmental person is someone who negatively judges other people habitually and uncontrollably even without reason. An extremely judgmental person acts as if judging others is a normal part of his/her life and may even be happy or proud about it. Here are 12 signs of a judgmental person.

  1. You easily notice the mistakes and shortcomings of other people. (fault-finder)
  2. You want other people to be consistent all the time. 
  3. You easily react or get angry when people disappoint you.
  4. You generalize people as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
  5. You easily consider others wrong when they don’t think or act the way you do.
  6. It is difficult for you to appreciate or see the beauty in others.
  7. You have a hard time being truly grateful.
  8. You feel anxious or uncomfortable around other people.
  9. You have low self-worth when alone but can wear a mask of pride when with other people.
  10. You feel like people are always looking at you.
  11. You think your opinions are always right and important.
  12. You don’t accept mentoring or guidance from others.

Why We Judge Others

Like any people I also succumb to the temptation of judging others. However, if we gain a better awareness of why we judge others, we can control how we think and respond to them.

1. We are self-righteous beings

If you possess a normally functioning brain like most people do, one of the first human instincts that you had probably learned was to judge others. It is what the brain does – interprets what the eyes see, the nose smells, the ears hear, and the skin touches. Together with the ego (our false self), we tend to describe others subjectively based on our biases and self-righteous nature.

Our desire to always be right and be better than others begins in the mind. In the Christian mythology1 creation story, it is believed that God created human beings in Its image – pure of love and goodness. However, when the Man and the Woman fell into the serpent’s temptation, they gained knowledge of life that changed them from love to ego.

Whether you believe in the story or not, one thing is for sure, it illustrates the truth about our human nature – that we are egoistic and self-righteous beings. And our purpose here on earth is to free ourselves from the serpent’s curse and return to our true nature which is love.

2. It is a projection of pain and shame

Psychological Projection

Isn’t it ironic? You reject yourself because someone has told you that you are not beautiful and good enough, and unconsciously pass it on to others to divert the pain and shame by looking at other people’s imperfections. 

Judging others is like a domino effect. We judge because we have been judged. We judge others as a way to escape our undealt pain and shame; and as a defense mechanism to avoid our faults and weaknesses by pointing them out to others. This cycle will continue until we forgive and heal ourselves from our own shame and criticism.

Journaling Prompts

  1. What is it that I don’t deal with and accept about myself that I unconsciously divert my thoughts to other people’s imperfections?
  1. Why is it difficult for me to face my imperfections?
  1. What is it that I am ashamed of that makes me shame other people as well?
  1. What issues or traumas I am running away from?

You can use the journaling prompts above to reflect inward. Write your answers in a journal (a notebook and a pen).

3. It is a reflection of how we see ourselves

When I was a little girl, my mother used to tell me:

“Your hair is ugly. It is bushy and dry, unlike mine, soft and silky,

“Your nose is flat and your lips are protruded,” and would smirk at me.

Her closing sentence was:

“Good thing you are smart and always on the top of the class because that’s all you’ve got to be proud of.”

When I was still suffering from the perception that I was ugly, I thought that I didn’t have a space in this world and a chance to be seen. If people would not see or notice me, then I would not be successful.

I became bitter with people of my age who were born with beautiful faces. For me, they were unfair because they did not need to work hard to become successful. I developed a limiting belief that they were not hard-working and not diligent. I would easily judge them as weak and lazy.

Journaling Prompt

What are the limiting beliefs that you acquired from people who judged you in the past that are affecting the way you perceive others today? Write them down.

The Effects Of Judging Others

negative effects of judging others
Judging others is like throwing curses.

The lack of awareness of the negative effects of judging others hinders us from getting out of judgmentalism. Below are the three most detrimental effects of judging others with reflection questions to increase your awareness.

1. You add negative energies to the world

Every time you judge, you are sending out a negative energy to the universe that pollutes the world. Judging others, whether it stays in your head or speaks it with your mouth impurifies your soul, the person you are judging, and the world. We are already living in a cruel and broken world, and judging others makes it even worse.

Reflection Question

“What good will it do to me and the world if I judge other people?”

2. You disrespect the journey of other people

When you easily react negatively to people who don’t meet your standards, you are crossing into their lives that you are not even part of. Nobody knows everything about someone, not even mothers to their children, or husbands to their wives. Mothers may know a lot about their children but they do not know everything about them – what exactly runs in their minds, how they think and perceive the world around them.

The closest person to you does not completely know you. Only you can deeply know yourself. Other people cannot think, experience, or feel on your behalf. There is a sacred space in each person where nobody cannot see and enter. When you judge a person based on what you know and see, you are disrespecting that person’s sacred space.

You are crossing someone else’s sacred boundary.

Reflection Questions

Do I want to disrespect others?

Who am I to enter a person’s sacred space?

3. You destroy people’s dreams

Words like ‘you are not good enough’, ‘you are not beautiful’, and ‘you are poor’ kill a person’s ability to believe in himself and become the person that he dreams to be.

Negative words are like curses that petrify the mind, heart, and soul.

When I was young I thought I would never marry and have my own family because I was told that no man would ever like and love me because I was ugly.

Had I not been able to overcome this wrong perception of myself, I would not be enjoying my life today as the wife and mother.

Reflections Questions

Do you have an unrealized dream because you are imprisoned by judgment about you?

Do you want it to happen to others?

Final Encouragements

  • We are all human beings which also means that we are not perfect. But do not let this truth become an excuse to validate our actions of judging others.
  • It is not easy to stop judging others when it is already part of your habit. It takes practice, presence of mind, and care for the world to shift from being a judgmental to an appreciative person.
Notes:
  1.  Myth in this case not meaning a false story, but rather a traditional story which embodies a belief regarding some fact or phenomenon of experience, and in which often the forces of nature and of the soul are personified; a sacred narrative regarding a god, a hero, the origin of the world or of a people, etc. ↩︎

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