4 Signs You’re Ready For A Mature Relationship

There is no definite formula that assures a successful or long-lasting relationship, but there is a huge difference when you’re ready and mature enough to navigate your life with another person. 

Romantic relationships do not revolve around romance alone, even though the term was coined from it. It’s a deep connection between two people anchored in mutual understanding of love and core values; being able to appreciate similarities and respect differences; and embrace each other no matter how much they change over time.

But how will you know if you’re ready for this kind of relationship?

Before meeting my husband in 2016, I had one romantic relationship back in college. I remember going into that relationship only because I wanted to experience what it feels like to be loved and appreciated by a man — something I only see from my friends and other girls. But it didn’t last long. I guess there’s nothing profound and mature to expect from my young, naive, and unsteady teenage self who didn’t know what it takes to be in a serious relationship. After the breakup, I decided not to go into another until I knew what I want and need in a partner, and not just to have someone who’d fill in love that I couldn’t give for myself.

Fast forward and being happily married for seven years with my soulmate, here are 4 important lessons I learned on how to know if you’re ready for a relationship.

1. You have the courage to show and share your authentic self with someone

A healthy relationship requires courage to expose and share your authentic self with someone, including the things you’re not proud of. Courage is your ally when fear of judgment and not being accepted for who you are gets in the way of being honest and vulnerable.

When I met my husband I found his honest personality so intimidating, to the point where I thought of pretending to be someone I am not. He would tell me what he thinks of me, including the bad ones I didn’t dare to tell myself. But I knew that putting walls to conceal my insecurities and unresolved issues will only harm our relationship in the long run. I had to put myself together and trust that if he’s the one for me, he’ll accept everything about me, even the things I haven’t figured out about myself yet.

Relationships thrive when two people have respect and honesty for each other. Nobody is perfect and you don’t have to be, especially when you’re with a person who loves and accepts you even in times you’re difficult to understand.

Being brave doesn’t mean not being afraid. It’s about befriending your fears despite the consequences of getting judgements or losing the person important to you. You know you’re mentally and emotionally ready for a relationship when you can be vulnerable and share every side of yourself with someone you’ll choose to commit with.

2. You love yourself and know your worth

Loving yourself isn’t the same as not hating yourself. There was a point in my life, however, I thought I was ready to love again because I was ‘okay’ with myself, and I didn’t despise my hair and nose anymore. Only after I dated a nice guy from work did I realize that ‘not hating myself’ isn’t always equal to loving it. 

Despite his efforts, it felt like everything was just passing on the surface and I couldn’t let love in. I didn’t know how to properly accept his gestures because nobody made me feel that way for a long time, not even myself. I deprived myself of the things I needed just to be financially available for people I wanted to please, and got so blinded by pleasing others that I couldn’t see my own needs.

Love doesn’t start with two people attracted to each other. It starts with prioritizing your needs to make yourself available for the people you love.

Loving yourself is knowing and embracing what you are — your personality, needs and wants, the things you are passionate about, your triggers, imperfections, and boundaries — to treat and serve yourself the way you exactly need. It is knowing that you’re worthy of love, respect, trust, kindness, and forgiveness and reflecting them with the way you live, so the people who want to be part of your life will know what to offer you in ways they know how.

Romantic relationships aren’t always passionate and full of love. There will be challenges that could break your spirit and worth. But when you have a strong foundation of self-love, you’ll get through every challenge without breaking yourself to pieces. When you’re ready for a relationship, you know that nobody can fill your empty cup and desire for love but yourself.

3. You understand that people change and you’re open to adjust with it

There’s truth in the cliché, ‘nothing is permanent but change’ in almost every aspect of life, but one of the hardests to deal with is when the person we love drifts away from their character and old ways that we loved about them.

Ideally, we say yes to a romantic relationship when a person meets most of the criteria we set, especially the non-negotiable ones. But as time goes by, both of you will change depending on the season you’re into, and the things you used to love about each other might change or disappear. You must be open and willing to adapt to changes in beliefs and behaviors for the relationship to continue to thrive and mature.

Being open to change for as long as it is not destructive and abusive is an obvious sign that you’re ready for a mature relationship. One important requisite of loving someone is knowing that all of us are susceptible to change, and that you’re willing to get along no matter how much it makes us feel uncomfortable (not destructive and abusive, let me just repeat). Maturity and readiness in a relationship means you’re able to adjust and discover new ways of working things out without losing respect for one another.

4. You speak up of your boundaries, and protect yourself from any form of abuse

Consider this as a continuation of signs 1 and 2, because the courage to be authentic and loving yourself determine the boundaries you need to maintain personal balance and mutual respect with a partner.

Boundaries are a set of rules or limitations you put up with the other person to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself, and with him/her. Speaking up of what’s acceptable and unacceptable to you lets the person know that respect is important to you more than anything else.

For me, the most important boundary I set not only with my husband but with all the people who are part of my life, is my intolerance to any form of abuse, whether it be physical, verbal, mental, or emotional. Abuse is a big red flag. It is an apparent sign of unresolved abusive traumas that he/she may pass on to the relationship and creates a toxic space that you don’t want yourself to be in.

Being able to communicate what’s sacred to you means you’re brave and ready enough for a healthy and mature relationship. Getting clear with your boundaries helps to create a safe space where both of you can individually grow because there’s respect and support for each other’s endeavors.

It is hard to set boundaries if you’re not aware of your own limitations and triggers. It is better to wait until you’re clear with what you cannot tolerate like dishonesty, abuse, and taking control of your life. 

Relationship is not about having someone who would fill in the gaps and holes in your heart that you cannot give yourself. Its ultimate purpose is to cater space for inner healing and growth by celebrating who you are and learning to compromise at the same time.

While it is normal for any relationship to go through challenges, being able to set boundaries can save you from going through long periods of toxic and traumatic experiences nobody deserves, whether you came from an ugly past.

Love and respect isn’t that hard to receive from others if you already have them for yourself.

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