4 Ways To Help Yourself Heal From Painful Rejection

The wounds of rejection from childhood are difficult to process and heal because our brains then were like a sponge. We absorb everything we see, hear, and feel, and become the foundation of our beliefs, motivations, and responses to life. When memories are stuck deep and firm in the subconscious mind for many years, you cannot simply erase them at one command.

It is like cleaning up old dirt. You have to scrub yourself over and over to uncover your true beauty. The multiple layers of rejection traumas that turned into limiting beliefs and wrong self-perceptions need a lot of hard work to break free.

I always say that healing is never easy. It is not for the faint-hearted. I know many people who chose not to heal because they knew that the process would hurt them more than they got hurt in the past.

To heal from rejection in your childhood and turn away from a trauma-based life, you have to be brave and resilient. The process may bring you lots of confrontation between your inner child, the people who judged you, and the adult that you are under a mask.

4 Ways To Heal From Rejection in Childhood (Part 2)

In Part 1 of the Dealing With Rejection series, I shared how being rejected by the people important to us could harm us as adults. It is necessary to learn so that you’ll have a better understanding and awareness of your personality and behavior as an adult.

In Part 2, I share four (4) ways to help yourself heal from the damaging effects of rejection you acquired in childhood.

1. Make inner work and introspection a habit.

You cannot heal if you do not know what needs healing. Inner work and introspection allow you to point out unprocessed memories and emotions from your childhood. By including them in your regular days, your brain will get used to it, until it becomes a way of life for you. You will discover many things about yourself, from how you were treated in your childhood to coping with the painful rejections, and how you can heal yourself.

In doing inner work, go back to your strongest childhood memories, good and bad, and evaluate how they affected your thoughts towards others and yourself. Don’t give your memories a second thought whether they are relevant to who you are today. Everything our subconscious minds replay has a significant impact on our lives. Write them down in a diary so it would be easier to connect the dots.

When I was about eight years old, I was kind of agoraphobic. I got extremely anxious every time I entered a huge shopping mall. It felt as if everyone there was staring at me and whispering in their heads that I was ugly. When I rooted out why I felt that way, I remembered that my mother implanted the thought in my young mind —  that I was not beautiful like my sister. 

Introspection is looking inward to listen to the narratives of your soul.

What are the narratives of your soul?

To answer this is not easy. It is like scratching your old scars again. However, resurfacing of issues is necessary in the healing process. The main goal of inner work is not to awaken old wounds but to show us what needs our attention and healing.

2. Do more of what makes you happy.

The things that make us happy do not only bring joy but also give us clues to where we can find and regain our self-worth. Have you experienced doing something you’re passionate about and enjoying yourself so much that you forgot your problems, insecurities, and fears?

I did. Every time I write.

What about yours?

Doing your passion cultivates joy and a feeling of worthiness. You add value to yourself and build confidence when you do things you are good at. It counteracts the negative thoughts and energies in your subconscious mind and helps you focus on the good things.

I noticed that many people don’t take doing things they love seriously. It is because of a limiting belief that arts should only be treated as a hobby and not a real job. Most of us do not believe that genuine happiness from doing our passion has the power to dissolve fear and doubts.

Think of the things you love to do and are good at. Do not self-sabotage here. List at least five (5) things you enjoy doing and pick one to explore each month. Observe how incorporating these activities into your life will change your mood, perspective, and energy.

Doing what you love and what makes you happy is not a waste of time but the best way to live your life purpose.

3. Train yourself to be mentally and emotionally strong.

When we get rejected as a child, shame, lack of self-worth, and feeling that we are not good enough become the master controllers of our lives. It attracts negativities that can lead to anxiety, depression, and unfulfilled life. In this overstimulating era, we need to be mentally and emotionally strong so that difficult times won’t eat us up.

The effects of rejection in childhood reside in the mind. The only way to win over them is by having authority in your thoughts and emotions. As a woman, I was a natural emotional being. I used to let my emotions affect the way I think and act. While using our emotions when making decisions is not always a bad thing, it will not help you heal from childhood rejection traumas.

To heal from rejection traumas, we have to shift from being a victim into a superhero whose strength is greater than the people who hurt us in our childhood. This shift happens when we train our minds to become mentally and emotionally strong.

To go through healing is a rollercoaster experience and brings a lot of inner storm surges. You have to stay grounded and mentally present to keep going. Looking back on my journey, I realized that what kept me committed to healing was that I trained myself to have strong mental and emotional control.

You have power over your thoughts. It will benefit you not only in healing but also in navigating your life.

4. Dump your emotions in a journal.

Different emotions may come up when processing old pains and wounds. You can be angry at the person who rejected you; sad that it happened to you; frustrated that you couldn’t do anything because you were a child then; and hopeless about whether you’ll be okay again.

The best way to release them is through writing. The act of writing longhand separates your feelings and thoughts from your psyche. It tames your raging spirit and soothes your soul.

Healing is releasing things that are not serving you anymore and refilling your soul with an empowered version of yourself. Journaling is a powerful way to release and learn new thoughts and emotions. The weight of rejection can hinder you from organizing your thoughts, and writing them down will help you access wounded childhood experiences, and heal them.

Find out which time of the day journaling works best for you. You can use a guided or a freeform journal. If you haven’t tried journaling before, you can start with guided journals to give you ideas on how to do it. There are different guided journals available on the market. Look for whichever suits your needs.

I practice both freeform and guided journaling, depending on what I need at the moment. I also love writing in the early mornings when my children have not awoken, and my world is quiet and still.

Journaling is not only for writers or people who enjoy writing. It is an effective healing technique that you can use, not a writing competition. There is no right or wrong way of doing it. As long as it helps you release negative energies and discover your true self, you are on the right track.

Final Thoughts

Healing takes time. It could be years of self-exploration, forgiving others and yourself, and learning to love yourself better. Be patient with yourself and with life because, in the end, you will realize that the gift of healing is most beautiful to those who persevere.

There are other ways to heal from childhood rejection traumas, but I decided to write about these four because they work for me the best. They can work for you too, as long as you are intentional about your inner healing. If you have questions about this topic, you can write them in the comment section and start an insightful discussion. You can also write to me privately at madylene.writer@gmail.com.