At least once in our lives, we said something negative or bad about others, whether it was based on truth or not, or it randomly slid through our thoughts without meaning to offend anyone.

As humans, we get easily enticed by beautiful things and anything that pleases our senses. While there’s nothing wrong with it in itself, too much of it can make us self-righteous or biased about our own preferences, and see more of what’s wrong than appreciate the beauty of small and ordinary things. It becomes easier for us to judge those who do not meet our standards or align with our beliefs than to confront our own imperfections. And for a lot of us, this has become a default way of thinking because pleasing the ego is more comfortable than being courageous in reclaiming our authentic self. But the question now is: to what extent can a person be considered ‘judgmental’?

As someone who grew up in a judgmental environment where I was constantly bashed with words like ‘ugly’, ‘lazy’, and ‘stubborn’, I knew how it feels to be judged and not given the chance to speak for myself. I carried all those negative tags for many years and suffered from severe self-doubt that weren’t supposed to be in my head if I wasn’t called those names. That is why writing this article is personal and special for me. I want to create something meaningful out of the disheartening judgments thrown at me in childhood.

Words are powerful. If we are not aware that we are judgmental, it can kill a lot of dreams and discourage those who are fighting their way up, just as it happened to me. Here are 12 signs of a judgmental person.

12 Signs Of A Judgmental Person

A judgmental person is someone who habitually and unthoughtfully judges others (or situations), regardless of whether they know the person or not, or have a direct involvement in an issue. Highlighting mistakes or imperfections boosts their confidence and makes them feel they are better than others. They are also less likely to care about what others would feel to validate that their opinions are right. 

Whether you are here because you want to check if you’re a judgmental person or a victim of someone who is, here are the 12 signs to help you discern:

  1. You easily notice the mistakes and shortcomings of other people. (fault-finder)
  2. You want other people to be consistent all the time. 
  3. You easily react or get angry when people disappoint you.
  4. You generalize people as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
  5. You easily consider others wrong when they don’t think or act the way you do.
  6. It is difficult for you to appreciate or see the beauty in others.
  7. You have a hard time being truly grateful.
  8. You feel anxious or uncomfortable around other people.
  9. You have low self-worth when alone, but can wear a mask of pride when dealing with others.
  10. You feel like people are always looking at you.
  11. You think your opinions are always right and important.
  12. You don’t accept mentoring or guidance from others.

If most of the signs resonate with you and guilt lingers, remember that there is no deadline in embracing new thought habits. The important thing is that you are brave enough to call out yourself when negative thoughts about others creep in.

Self-awareness is key to profound realizations and healing that isn’t just surface-level. Being judgmental doesn’t stem from our dark side, but rather a projection of the judged self we weren’t able to heal. We judge because we have been hurt and robbed of our potential to become the person we wanted to be. Because somewhere in the past, there were people who told us that we weren’t smart, good, or beautiful enough.

Tips To Stop Being Judgmental

Now that you have learned about the signs, the healing journey doesn’t stop at that quiet admission to yourself that you are a judgmental person without doing anything to change. Healing is internal, but the way through it is through practical actions to unlearn old habits and adopt a better way of seeing things. Here are my tips to stop being judgmental:

1. Understand the reason why you judge

We are unaware of our negative behaviors because they have become our default habits. What I’ve observed with judgmental people is that they don’t realize habitual judging is a projection of pain and shame they felt from being judged by people who were supposed to love and understand them.

We judge others because we have been judged. It is our way to escape unprocessed words thrown at us when we were young. It also serves as a defense mechanism to avoid our faults and weaknesses by pointing them out to others. If we do not ask ourselves questions that can lead us to learning more about why we judge, we won’t be able to confront and heal the pain that caused it. Here are some reflection questions to help you learn about your inner motives:

  • What are the things that you don’t accept about yourself that unconsciously divert your thoughts to other people’s imperfections?
  • Why is it difficult for you to face your pain and shame?
  • What shameful experiences do you often run away from?

Take time to reflect and learn about the fears you’ve been avoiding for so long. Write them down if you think it will help you dig deeper. There is nothing shameful in confronting them because what others had thought of you wasn’t always the truth. 

2. Journal your judgments and read them

The thoughts we let into our heads can slip through quickly, and most of the time, we don’t realize they’re negative until we see them with our eyes. Journaling your judgments is a practical yet effective way to develop a strong awareness of how often and intensely you judge others. Write down the specific adjectives or negative thoughts you threw at others and read them over until they make you realize how bad it was. Sometimes, the guilt needs to sink in to acknowledge what needs fixing.

Journal them at the end of the day. The more often you journal, the more you’ll realize that judging others is an awful habit you should let go of. Reflecting on it before sleeping is a meaningful way to assess ourselves and gain better awareness.

3. Be mindful of your thoughts and practice control

There is nothing more direct in ending being judgmental than to be mindful of your thoughts and to practice control. You can only control what you know. By becoming aware of how you think of others, you will only know when to stop. Be intentional in committing to change old patterns of thinking negatively of others and gradually letting go of perfectionism.

Remind yourself that nobody is perfect and not everyone can be as good as you are because our abilities, strengths, and weaknesses are different from one another. It is something we need to respect about every human being, as long as they are not used to abusing or endangering anyone. Change takes time and effort. The transition isn’t going to be quick and easy, especially when judging has become a comfort zone. Commit to yourself and be patient with your pace until you experience healing from all the hurtful words you’ve been told you were.

4. Be grateful for simple things and appreciate them

It is easy to be in the dark if you don’t let the light in. You weren’t born judgmental; you were only shown how it was done, and imitated it long enough until you became one. And the only way to shift perspective and see the good things is to appreciate things for their ordinariness and imperfections.

Say ‘thank you’ to everything you see and have in your life, even if it’s just a whisper in your mind. Do it as often as you can. You don’t have to be so sincere in the beginning, but as you constantly practice saying ‘I am thankful/grateful for ______’ (e.g., waking up to a new day), you’ll start to believe it and open your eyes to see the light in things you usually take for granted.

Start embracing a grateful life by loving yourself. Be grateful for your nose that helps you breathe rather than despise it because it doesn’t look the way you want it to be. Be grateful for the experiences that test your character rather than blame them because they are inconvenient and stressful. Gratitude ignites the shift that we want in our lives, no matter how impossible we think it is.

12 signs of a judgmental person and tips how to stop being one

Healing from being judgmental starts from within, and we have to consciously and willingly participate in the process of transformation for it to happen. Negative things will always be there as well as the positive ones, and the decision which to honor lies in the way we think and feel about ourselves and others.

We may never be completely non-judgmental, but we can always choose to express more love and humility and not contribute to somebody’s self-doubt and lack of courage to go after their dreams.

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